Introduction: Premarital
Premarital counseling is crucial in helping young people who are looking forward to getting married. Marriage life is the only school one receives a certificate without learning first, and therefore it needs much preparation since it’s a lifetime commitment; it doesn’t need one-day training. Trusted people conduct premarital counseling because they are responsible for personal issues that need to be addressed. For successful premarital sessions, it’s very important to have assessment tools that are different to guide one through the courses. This paper will say what a premarital tool are, and will discuss three premarital tools, questionnaires, interviews, and seminars. The discussion of some important topics to discuss in premarital class that includes mate selection, premarital sex, and finances will also give reasons for the debate.
Introduction for Terminal Illness
When one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, they respond differently to the condition; however, the terminal reaction that is experienced by all patients is disbelief, shock and it always differs even with the family pf the loved one. Both the person with a terminal illness and the family go through different emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and physical responses toward the news. Most families, while coping with a terminal illness, will go through stages of denial, anxiety, fear, fits of anger, depression, and blame. The journey that follows after diagnosis might resolve relationship or not connect more with family and friends. Most people with a terminal illness and their family search for help from religion or counselors; therefore, this paper will cover the goals of counseling therapy, approaches and techniques, and developmental stages consideration from the case.
Premarital Assessment Tools
Premarital counseling has many assessment tools used for partners that are engaged. The assessment tools are uniquely designed to help the counselor direct the involved partners in preparation for marriage, therefore looking and analyzing to provide knowledge. Christian counselors have tools that are based on the Bible, and other denominations have different ones that fit and help their members during the counseling. The device should look across from the time of dating, marriage, and what happens after marriage.
One of the most used assessment tool during premarital counseling questionnaires that are comprehensive to describe, evaluate, and compare the person’s one is intending to marry. The questionnaire tools help in preparation and also enhance relationships in terms of helping with the understanding of one another and help in the communication. The questionnaires are very helpful in knowing if the two partners are on the same page before saying “I do,” making the marriage successful. The premarital questionnaire tool has questions that must be asked and discussed, especially the topics that are very serious and have brought up questions even in other people’s marriages.
The questionnaires start immediately after engagement, and it should be given time for discussion and mostly directed by the pastor officiating the wedding, a mentor, or a premarital counselor. Modern marriages have more pressing concerns because of competitions, and among the first question to be asked if the two want to start a family and when they intend to start the family. This opens up the minds of the timeline and the partner’s desire. This adds to when both would desire to have children and helps them all come into an agreement.
The questionnaires cover things like income, family, and religion, especially if both come from different religions, the number of children, the future of the marriage and how those goals can be met, and if the goals match up with the partner. When the goals are not in agreement, there is a great need to talk about and see what can be compromised. The questionnaires are not discussed all of the ones, but it’s a process and a daily walk that helps with the expectation and has transparency.
The other important assessment tool for the premarital tool is an interview, include comprehensive discussions, face to face, and coming up with the technique of negotiation. The conversation can be informed of questions to the people expecting to get married and can be done in the form of classes that take questions and answers about premarital things. It’s important for churches can come together and decide on a curriculum that churches can be used to help the youths through premarital counseling. The plan for churches coming together “bears some resemblance to the change from the one-room schoolhouse to the consolidated school that offers more opportunities for better instructions” (Westberg, 1958).
The act of interview and discussion as a tool by churches coming together helps save resources. At the end of the premarital interview and sessions can have an average number of the wedding.
The other tool to use as a premarital assessment tool is the creation of seminars. Seminars, trainers, and teachers should be in the form of church programs. This will ensure an order to prepare the youths for marriage Group sessions. It is also a very great and important tool for premarital preparations. This is where the couples prepared to be married to each other, share experiences, expectations, and see how they can help and strengthen each other. Once in a while, married couples can be joining on a panel to listen to the youth’s concerns and questions and share their experiences as well to help the young people looking forward to marrying and get married.
CRUCIAL TOPICS TO SHARE IN PREMARITAL:
1. Mate Selection
Mate selection is one of the most important topics to share in a premarital class because it’s a risk that involves the marriage process, and it has its fears. Inmate selection, there are factors to consider since marriage is a lifetime commitment and knows the reasons one wants to marry despite being in love. People get married for various reasons, and when considering a mate for marriage, people view differ; however, their fundamental principles or guidance towards selecting a mate.
Most of the time, when young people are asked how they have chosen a mate, most of them will give answers as because they love each, they were meant to be, or there is a chemistry that is going on between them. In reality, the said are not a good reason for selecting a mate that one is looking forward to spending the rest of the life with, well they are valid but not enough.
The culture has a definition of mate selection, and religion also has a process and what different religion “discusses less about mate selection; however, the scripture has few guidelines in scriptures on how to select a mate”. The Lord helps people get mates if they desire to have one because he ordained it from the beginning of the creation in Gen 2:18, where he said it’s not good for a man to be alone I will make him a helper. Getting a good mate from the lord involves asking for guidance from him and waiting patiently on him and choosing to live as the Lord intends while waiting and following Biblical principles.
There is very great importance in choosing the right mate that will build a relationship that will lead to a happy marriage. It’s essential to prevent poor mate selection before it happens by getting information from churches and people that are older and have an experience. After salvation, marriage is a second major decision in life that one makes, and it should be thought and talked about prayerfully. One should look at the “spiritual evaluation, reassurance, evaluation of motives, ideals, and maturity and also the direction”.
2. Premarital Sex
Premarital sex:- Means sexual intercourse between unmarried men and unmarried women. Sex is a very vital topic to address in premarital discussions and classes because it has misused and yet have a very high-risk factor toward marriage. In case premarital sex happens between the two people dating brings a lot of mistrust even when they get married.
According to Clair, “Sex is a topic that is not frankly talked about yet it’s a part of who we are, and if it makes us nervous, we are, and if it makes us nervous, we cannot be whole”. As much as sex is not spoken about, it has been abused, bringing about so many myths get. It’s a gift from God for married people only. The Bible has not explicitly prohibited prematurity sex. However, the bible has denounced “Sexual immorality,” which in the New Testament is fornication Gal 5:19-21 warns against sexual immorality because it’s sinful. Therefore, as children of God, we should keep ourselves pure until when one gets married.
God is pleased when we live for him as young people, and though many have witnessed sex outside marriage and through God, there is restoration as “people with sexual regrets there is hope because God can restore purity to the love life”. When one keeps themselves for the future partner, no guilt when it comes to sex.
3. Financials
Money or finance is another critical topic to address in premarital because financial security is needed before people get into marriage. As observed, many people get into marriage with debts because of having an expensive wedding. In premarital counseling, it helps people talk about how to handle bank accounts, and the paying responsibilities of different people have a habit of spending money and ones, one knows how a partner spending habits it helps avoid future disagreements when it comes to money and usage. All these topics and many others are possible with good, respectful communication.
Respectful for the topics
The reason for choosing the topic of mate selection is the trending saying amongst young couples who get into a marriage without getting time to know the person they are getting married to. The issue of not selecting a mate wisely and according to God’s word has created a problem in the relationship; thus, building into marriage bears no fruit. Many young people think that love is blind and fail to take time to work on emerging issues during dates that end up bringing many marital problems. Young people should ask a question when selecting a mate because wrong selection could lead to divorce when they start a marriage.
The topic of sex is very crucial to teach in premarital class because many parents, pastors, and teachers fear to address the sex issues. Many people have ended up learning about sex from their peers and from the media that is giving the wrong information. Teaching truth about sex and from the Biblical perspective helps the people intending to get married keep holding to purity till they get married. Sexual purity is very important, and to those who have fallen of premarital counseling helps in restoration and continuing to keep purity, as directed by God’s word.
The money/financial topic is important to be addressed for money is needed when planning for the wedding, and after the wedding, it’s required in marriage. It’s good to know how both are going to be spending money because in many homes it has brought so much sheers and misunderstanding. Money has brought so much mistrust in many marriages where the communication is not upheld, leading to even breakage of marriages.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the premarital tools are essential during premarital sessions to help the couples to explore one another and be able to agree and compromise where possible. The tools should be wisely used, and in churches, they can be coming together as inter-denominations to help the youths with the issues they are going through. Each church should have a tool to teach a premarital class and address all topics that concerns marriage before people get married to help avoid divorce and misunderstanding in marriages. Premarital counseling, especially in churches, should be made compulsory, and seminars held every two months to keep the youths on toes that friendship and love are not blind; therefore, you should open their eyes.
